Transcript of 【社会心理学】話し方で分かる..精神年齢が高すぎる成熟した大人の特徴 8選

Everyone with a high mental age is, without exception, not bound by conventional wisdom. And, as always, it’s me, Okami-san. Today, I’ll be examining the speaking styles of people with a high mental age in a ranked format, based on psychology, neuroscience, and my own theories. Watch this video until the end, and your mental age will rise so much you won't need birthdays anymore. Let’s get started right away. How people with a high mental age speak. Number 8: Bring up complaints in a small, low-key way. In situations where you need to tell a partner or colleague something difficult. When your mental age is low, you tend to bottle things up and then say, "You’re always like this." You often point out their personality with harsh words like, "Why do you do this every single time?" On the other hand, people with a high mental age, when expressing the same complaint, focus on a single event, saying, "That one thing you said at yesterday's meeting has been bothering me a bit," and bring it

up in a calm, quiet tone. Actually, it’s said that these first few minutes determine the course of the relationship; a study released by the University of Washington recorded the arguments of 124 newlywed couples and followed them for six years, finding that they could predict which couples would divorce with high accuracy just by looking at how they started the first three minutes of a discussion.

That’s right. Conversations tend to end at the same temperature they began. It really isn’t about how you phrase a complaint, but how small you can keep that first sentence. Mental maturity is reflected in that volume. The harder it is to say, the smaller you should start . Next, number 7 in the way people with a high mental age speak: communicate through observation, not evaluation. " They are so sloppy.""He’s so cold.""

They are so slow." When your mental age is low, you tend to unconsciously mix in character judgments when describing events like this. On the other hand, people with a high mental age will say, "Your submissions were late twice this week.""Your response was delayed yesterday, which made it impossible to make a quick decision," stating only the facts as they were observed first. Yes, this is observation, not evaluation. And there is actually a major divide here; in non-violent communication within clinical psychology, it is explained that the moment you mix evaluation into observation, the other person perceives it as criticism and shifts into a defensive or counter-attacking posture.

Exactly. Labels like "sloppy,""cold," or "slow" are interpretations born within the speaker and cannot be verified as facts by the other party. That's dangerous. This type of communication leads directly to friction in human relationships. In a sense, it's as dangerous as a beginner cook with terrible eyesight trying to julienne vegetables without their glasses. It’s a situation where the blade is moving even though they can't see clearly. This ends up hurting others as well as yourself. That is precisely why someone spoken to with judgment reacts to the fact that they were judged, rather than to the content itself. On the other hand, the language of observation allows you to see the same picture as the other person. This is because you are simply putting the facts you see into words, rather than expressing emotions. Exactly. People with higher emotional maturity look at the same facts together before judging the other person. Observation over judgment. This attitude is clearly reflected in how one speaks. Judgment

builds walls, while observation builds tables. Next, the 6th trait of how emotionally mature people speak is translating "should" into "desire.""I should have tried harder," or "A parent should act like this.""If you're in your 30s, you should be doing this." This word, "should." When emotional maturity is low, we tend to throw it at ourselves and at others. Conversely, people with high emotional maturity use this word surprisingly rarely; instead, they say, "I want to do this," or "I would be happy if it were like this."

They translate it into words of desire or preference, like "I prefer to do it this way." So, why is the word "should" so dangerous? Actually, it involves some classics of psychotherapy. The psychoanalyst Karen Horney named this habit of tying oneself to an ideal image the "tyranny of the should" in her 1950 book, and the psychologist Albert Ellis, who created the roots of cognitive behavioral therapy, pointed out that the thinking that binds us with "I should" or "I must" is a factory for anxiety and anger. That's right. When reality doesn't match this "should," it always brings along that judgmental phrase, "you didn't do it."

In short, people who use it often are essentially putting themselves and others on trial multiple times a day. It's no wonder their hearts become distorted. People with a high mental age translate "shoulds" into desires, leaving room for choice for both themselves and others. Instead of "it must be this way," they say "I want this" or "I would be happy if it were like this." When you reduce these " conclusion-shoulds" in this way, the world you observe begins to brighten.

Next, the 5th habit of people with a high mental age is providing live commentary on themselves. "Oh, boy, I really messed up yesterday, didn't I?" Some people talk about their failures or agitation from a step back, almost like a play-by-play announcer. While it might seem like they're joking, this is actually an unconscious emotional processing method used by mature people , and it's called self-distancing. This is important. In a study published by Michigan State University, participants who, when viewing unpleasant images, mentally narrated "I am scared" in the third person or used their own name instead of "I" saw their brain's emotional response drop within just one second. In other words, by just stepping back and speaking in the third person, your mind becomes calm without any special effort. I mean, that's amazing, isn't it? That is precisely why people with a high mental age, especially when angry, say "Okay, I am feeling angry right now," narrating themselves to put distance between

their emotions and their true self. This ability is what I often refer to as metacognition. People consumed by emotions speak from within them, while mature people speak from beside their emotions and observe them. Those who can view themselves from a slight distance are less likely to have harsh words. Next, the 4th habit of people with a high mental age is that their humor is directed at the situation itself. I think many will agree that humor at a lower level of mental maturity involves poking fun at someone else to get a laugh, or excessively belittling oneself to entertain others.

It’s usually one of these two. On the other hand, it is said that the humor of someone with a high mental age is directed toward finding the absurdity of the situation itself amusing. For example, when faced with an unreasonable situation, they think, " The universe is testing me today.""This must be foreshadowing for something."" This is definitely going to be a funny story later." In this way, they enjoy even difficult situations as if they were playing a game. That's right. Even though it's all laughter, the target is completely different. And in fact, we know this difference is clearly linked to one's state of mind. This is because a study published by a professor at the University of Western Ontario categorized the ways humor is used into several types. First, there is self-deprecating humor that excessively belittles oneself. This was linked to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Next is aggressive humor that teases others. This was related to high levels of hostility. On the other

hand, finding humor in adversity itself —a sort of self-uplifting humor—was linked to a sense of well-being and high stress tolerance. In short, the type of laughter one uses reveals their emotional stability. That's correct. People with a high mental age don't create laughter at someone else's expense, nor do they sell themselves short; they simply turn the absurdity of a situation into a quiet laugh. You can tell how much emotional breathing room someone has by looking at the target of their humor. That is undoubtedly true. Someone who thinks they are elevating themselves by putting others down cannot have a high mental age. Interesting. Next, the third way people with a high mental age speak is by expressing contradictory feelings, like being happy yet frustrated. When a peer gets a promotion, you say "Congratulations.""

I'm genuinely happy for you.""But to be honest, I also feel a bit frustrated." People who can voice both of these conflicting emotions without suppressing either. Such people may have a high mental age. Because in these situations, most people try to organize their feelings into either happy or frustrated before they speak. But human emotions are not inherently monolithic. As I mentioned before in my own theory that it's not bad to be a contradictory person, those with a high mental age can put those contradictions into words without hiding them. And in fact, whether or not one can voice these contradictions is often used in psychology as an indicator of emotional maturity itself. According to the ego development theory systematically established over many years by psychologists at the University of Washington, as adults mature, they transition from seeing things in black and white to acknowledging that conflicting emotions and values can coexist within them, and the most mature stage is characterized by a

tolerance for ambiguity and the ability to accept one’s own internal conflicts. In short, those who can accept the contradictions within themselves and put them into words are at a higher stage of development. People with a high mental age do not organize their contradictions before speaking; they present them as they are . And strangely enough, that is exactly why they are most trusted. After all, having conflicting emotions is proof that you are looking at a subject from multiple perspectives. "There's this side to it, but there's also that side to it." This ability to view things and emotions from multiple angles is truly important, isn't it? Next, the second characteristic of how people with a high mental age speak is the ability to admit they once held a different opinion. In the middle of a discussion, they might say, "Actually, until last year, I held the opposite view.""I think the me from back then was wrong."

Someone who doesn't hide the fact that their opinion has changed like this. You can't help but feel a certain mature charm in people like that. Because when one's mental age is low, changing an opinion feels like losing, wavering, or a lack of consistency. That is precisely why they twist their current words to avoid contradicting what they said in the past. On the other hand, people with a high mental age speak naturally about updating their opinions as proof of growth.

There is the concept of "intellectual humility," which is familiar to viewers of this channel, and it is said that this is where the biggest difference appears in one's attitude toward changing opinions; in a study published by a professor, they analyzed the characteristics of people with high intellectual humility through four different assessments. They were able to more accurately distinguish between strong and weak arguments, and furthermore, rather than criticizing politicians who changed their minds based on new evidence as being " wishy-washy," they actually had a stronger tendency to support them. In other words, people who can change their opinions view their opinions as separate from their own worth. Opinions are not personality traits; they are merely hypotheses at a given point in time. That is why people with higher mental maturity can say their views have changed, not with shame, but with a hint of pride. It is more important to be able to evolve than to hold onto unchanging opinions. The number one way

of speaking for those with high mental maturity is to add qualifiers like "as of now" or "in my case." This is what I think for now. This was my experience in this case. I might be saying something different in ten years. People who use these phrases may be more mature, as those with lower mental age tend to use words like "absolutely" or "always" to make their opinions seem stronger. On the other hand, those with higher mental maturity are said to prioritize the accuracy of their words over the intensity of their declarations. Therefore, they gently add limitations of time and scope to their opinions. At first glance, this way of speaking may sound unreliable.

However, it is actually linked directly to happiness; in a study by University of Waterloo psychologists, 241 people aged 25 to 90 were given intelligence tests and evaluated on their flexible thinking, self-awareness, and multi-faceted reasoning—all indicators of mental maturity. The results showed that high intelligence had almost no correlation with life satisfaction or the quality of personal relationships. Conversely, people who exhibited that flexible way of thinking showed connections to all of these: higher life satisfaction, better relationship quality, and less rumination on unpleasant events. In short, phrases like "as of now" or "in my case" are not signs of insecurity, but an acknowledgment that things change and knowledge is limited. They are the words of someone who understands that. Exactly. People with high mental maturity aren't looking for an exit; they simply understand that reality is subject to change. Final conclusion: the way of speaking for those with high mental maturity is as

follows. What did you think? Yes. While brewing coffee recently, I was thinking about how people with a high mental age often aren't interested in others. They don't worry unnecessarily about how they are perceived, and they don't meddle in how others live their lives, which is why they appear to have such composure. And because they don't overanalyze the hearts of others, they don't constantly wonder, "What does this person think of me?" They also rarely create imaginary enemies by suspecting there's some hidden motive.

That's right. In a sense, it's precisely because they don't overthink things that they can be kind to others. This was a major discovery for me. So, looking at it from multiple angles, you could interpret "not being interested in others" as being "focused on one's own life." Yeah. And those people have zero interest in people unrelated to them, but they hold a strong interest in things or people they actually care about. How should I put it? It's like having a "geeky" quality in a good way; because they aren't interested in other people, they are interested in their own hearts—do you get what I mean?

Yes. If I keep rambling on with these theories, there's a risk that everything in my fridge will turn into fermented food by the next moment, so I'll stop here. Yes. In this way, I share tips to add color to your life based on psychological insights and my own life philosophy. The original specialty coffee that I, Ookami-san, have put my heart into is available through the link in the video description below. Please, enjoy it as a companion to the time you spend cherishing yourself. Well then, I'll see you in the next video. Thank you for always taking the time to watch my videos. Yeah.